Sexual abuse

Trigger warning

This sections includes posts about sexual abuse, especially childhood sexually abuse. Please be careful when reading posts in this section, especially if you are a surviver of abuse yourself.
Take care!

25 November: Healing Trauma through Artivism

I recently wrote about the trauma of my last relationship in relation to 25 November, and how this trauma is related to 25 November and the work in our queer group on patriarchal violence beyond a cisheteronormative framework. In fact, this work has been the trigger, which has made me connect with this trauma, a trauma I didn't even know existed.

For 25N: (not) establishing boundaries and complex trauma

In my beloved queer group Disidencias del Sur we started to work on patriarchal violence within and towards the LGBTIQA+ collective for 25 November. It is an important and necessary work, as it is usually only made visible within a cisheteronormative framework: cis hetero man towards cis hetero woman. We think that patriarchal violence affects us all.

Falling?

Am I falling again, this time into the abyss of my infancy? In the last days I felt that I was coping with my emotions related to the current situation, with the trauma of my adolescence. With ups and downs, yes, but I didn't feel too down, nor did I have to cry too much. I was managing a manageable level of anxiety.

Images: Fantasies, experiments of my mind, memories?

Lately, some images have been appearing to me, and I'm wondering: what do those images mean? I don't want to call them 'memories'. But what are they? Are they just fantasies? Are they experiments of my mind, like 'what do you think of this image, do you remember anything?'

I also have my doubts because of the context in which some of the images first came to me. However, some of the images stay with me and I can reproduce them outside the original context, while others are already being lost.

Looking for: the child that was I

I am looking for a child that has disappeared, and neither an advert in the “looking for” section of a newspaper nor reporting the child as missing with the police will be able to help me.

Have I been a victim of child sexual abuse?

This question is tormenting me again, and more frequently lately (in the last 2-3 years). Before, when I asked myself this question, it was usually at night when I had trouble falling asleep, and after a few days the question disappeared again. I think that many times the question appears after reading a story about a child sexual abuse case in a newspaper. It came up strongly at the beginning of July, and for the first time I thought about talking to a person. I didn't, and I went on holiday, and after a few days cycling through the Pyrenees I stopped thinking about the question.

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