My inner child and me (IV)

Since I have reconnected with my inner child, I try to connect with them once or twice a day, usually at night already in bed, and in the morning still in bed, before getting up. I see it as an exercise to get to know each other better, to deepen trust, and to heal my inner child. It is a kind of visualisation of my inner child, although perhaps not as structured as for example this visualisation (in Spanish). I understand that for some people who read my blog it seems strange to visualise my inner child in this way, and to talk about my child in the third person, to be able to touch them, to embrace them. It doesn't seem strange to me at all, but simply a way of visualising or imagining my inner child.

Two nights ago, already in bed, I connected with my inner child. They were again sitting in their corner, but without covering their eyes. They allowed me to sit next to them, but without touching them.

My inner child still didn't speak to me, just nodded 'yes' or 'no'.  They didn't allow me to put my arm around them. We sat there for a while. I told them that they were safe, that I would protect and care for them, that I would respect their body, their limits, that I wouldn't do anything they didn't want me to do. I asked them if they had been hurt, and they nodded 'yes'. I told them again that they were safe, that I'm going to protect them. Finally they rested their head on my side and started to cry (and so did I). When we finished crying I told them again that I will protect them, that no one will ever hurt them again, that I will not allow it, and that now it was time to go to sleep.
That night I slept better, and in the morning I briefly connected again with my inner child, and found them as I had left them a few hours before.

Last night I also briefly connected with my inner child. I saw them in their corner, wearing a dress, head between their knees and crying. I sat down next to them and my inner child hugged me, crying non-stop. I cried too. But I soon found sleep - it was already two o'clock in the morning. And I slept well another night, without waking up several times.

This is the second time I saw my inner child in a dress. What does this tell me? I don't want to say that I felt like a girl in my childhood, but it seems to me that there was an issue of gender identity, or non-conformity to (male) gender expectations, and it's something that doesn't surprise me. I doubt very much that I ever talked to my parents about this in my childhood, and I doubt very much that I ever wore a dress. But this doesn't mean that I wasn't uncomfortable with what they expected of me as a boy, that I wouldn't have liked other things. To what extent there is another trauma here I don't know....